I have spent the last, I don't know how many years, dieting on and off, trying to transform my less than perfect body into some sort of goddess-like form. Success rate minimal.
I have come to the conclusion that its just not going to happen, so therefore I need to find peace and acceptance in my head for the lumpy-bumpy and wobbly parts of myself that are at the moment not very nice to me.
I had decided that the scales should go!!! How is it that a couple of numbers on a piece of machinery determine the whole mood of your day and possibly even the week? Why is it that a pound or a kg up or down is the difference between feeling like a sleek machine or a sumo wrestler? Its quite ridiculous really. And do I want my daughter to grow up with the terrible pressure that seems to be all around us, brought on by the media and fashion mags etc, where girls have to be stick thin to be beautiful? Absolutely not. So I am making a huge effort to rekindle the friendship between myself and the parts of my body which are less than perfect and a little more jiggly that I would like.
I go to classes at the gym for cardio work - body attack (yes it does feel like I have been attacked afterwards), circuits etc and classes for toning - body pump and flexibar (a long wobbly bar which you flex and move while moving parts of your body at the same time. I think I still wobble more than the bar but we shall persevere). Has it made a difference in the last 2 months? Not a flippin' bit. I am still as wobbly and jiggly as before and I definitely am not losing weight.
Aaaahh I hear you say, but I wasn't meant to be worried about all that. I know, I know, but its a thing in my head which says that if I don't do something I will spend the remainder of my life getting fatter and wobblier, so I must find a way of at least maintaining the level of wobble I have now, or you will see me on Sumo Wrestlers Weekly's front cover eventually. At 44, (apparently middle aged - I DONT THNK SO !!!), I keep getting told its all normal to have waistline thickening (sounds like some sort of disease), and that its all slowing down and getting bigger from here on in. Great ! Well NO I say. I will try to stop aspiring to look like a 20 something and concentrate on healthy living instead. I want to eat nice things, drink wine if I feel like it and not spend every waking moment calculating the calorific value and fat content of every morsel passing my lips, but I also want to look good. Exercise is good for my heart and bones, I know that, and it is meant to make you feel happy (although I dispute that when I am on the floor with the instructor screaming at me to to 24 more press-ups for the 4th time, and I am willing my vibrating arms to stay strong so I don't face plant the ground). I will have to accept that things are starting to travel south and my arms look like I am turning into a flying fox with my worsening bingo-wings, (not quite the "foxy" look I was aiming for), but at least I will be healthy. So my wobble and I will continue our 4 times weekly visits to the gym and there we shall attempt to become friends again, and if I do manage to reach 50 with the same level of wobble that I have now, I will be very pleased. xxxx