Does it ever change?

Exams, girlfriend, social life and being 15 don't exactly fall at the right time together.

Mother - "Revision and school work have to be just as much a priority as the other more exciting aspects of being 15"
Teenager - "Yeah I know" (thinks maybe if I just shut my eyes she will disappear)

Mother - "You need to revise properly"
Teenager - "yes mum I know, I am" (still closing eyes in the hope of mother vanishing)

Mother - "That's it ! I'm not happy with this - Rant Rant Rant Rant"
Teenager - "You don't understand, its not the same as when you were at school you know " (eyes now open and mother is still very much in his face and ears now)

Threats about grounding, social time, etc etc etc follow with much upset on both sides. 
It is, once again,  the day before a major exam and who is more panicked,  mother or teenager one asks?

So what is the answer?
Actually, as parents we know exactly how it feels to be 15 (we weren't born looking like this you know), and how it feels so hard to find the time, energy or willpower to work all day at school and then come home and be expected to work again for a few more hours.
Unfortunately, we also know how it feels to be struggling with life and choices after leaving school, and we know that these struggles make school days feel like a walk in the park.

How do we help, encourage and motivate our precious children without making them feel like they are drowning in orders from others? How do we help them to make the right choices willingly? Is it even possible?
Can they ever realise that we want them to do the best they can, that's all, nothing more, just to try their hardest at whatever they choose to do in life and then they will succeed.

I for one, believe in helping in whatever way I can. I will give up my time to revise with my child, I will help him to manage his time effectively so he can fit in the just as important social life as well as the schoolwork, and I will do whatever I can to encourage self motivation.
But, this comes with a challenge.
The challenge is finding the way to do all this while maintaining a relationship which doesn't feel like a war zone.
Finding a way to make our children feel supported and encouraged without feeling battered and nagged to death.
Finding a way to help them fit in their social relationships without it being at the expense of schoolwork and revision, because we know that their personal relationships are just as important to them and to their maturing.
Finding the way to let them know and believe that we actualy do understand, and we do remember the feelings they are having now and that we can be more than just a nagging in their ears.
Finding a way to accept that they don't want us to do these things now, but hopefully will be grateful that we did, at some point in their future.

I have no idea if what I do is the right thing or not. I do know that I try to listen to my son and I feel very lucky that we actually do talk a lot about most stuff. I know I can't just sit back and let him fail by not even trying, and I hope that one day, when he is doing something great in life which makes him happy, he will remember how it was and smile.
Smile, when he is a parent and my grandchildren are saying "you dont understand Dad, its different today than when you were at school".

Same Stuff, Different Day ---- many years on.

I can do spontaneous ........

Bank holiday weekend, weather man says its going to rain in Verwood (now there's a surprise), so I decided to take the bull by the horns and suggest to Steve (M Man) that we do something a little different and just jump in the car and go somewhere different with the kids. After much discussion, and shock of the price of the original ideas we had, it was decided that we should hop in the car and go to London, stay overnight somewhere cheap and be complete tourists for the weekend.

Now I don't do spontaneous very readily, cos I am an organised kinda gal, and usually I preplan and pre-preplan everything with lists, many lists which must be ticked as we go. So for me, this is going off-road in quite a big way. Steve was a little worried I think, but he likes to fly by the seat of his pants so all good for him. The kids were very excited and of course it was suggested that Jamie (The Dodga) ask his girlfriend Alice (Squeak) to come with us too.

Car packed, hotel (I use the word very loosely) booked and off we go. Just over an hour on the road and we are in London which was very good time. Sat nav took us easily to the hotel which looked really quite nice on first opinion. Anyway, girls in one room, me, Tiddles (Gemma) and Alice, and then boys (Steve and Jamie) in the other ---- no nonsense going on here you know (thats you, Dodga and Squeak by the way). I know Im a fun spoiler, but hey, ITS MY JOB xxxx
If I tell you the rooms were basic it would be being kind. Very hot with fans that sounded like a plane taking off and not even room to swing half a cat.

DO NOT KEEP COMPLAINING ---- the conversation I am having with myself is not working but I remind myself it really doesn't matter as we are here to have fun.

Quick check in and its decided to hop on the tube and go to Piccadilly circus to find some dinner. Now Alice hasn't been on the tube before so its a real eye-opener for her but by the time we head back she is a pro.



Alice and Jamie



Really nice dinner in a little Italian place, Tiddles orders a pizza from the kids menu which is the size of an adult dinner plate - no arguments from Jamie about helping her to finish though. Hustle and bustle of the city, the lights are coming on now and its quite spectacular especially for the kids who haven't done this often.





Piccadilly Circus



No more shops Tiddles xxxx



After restraining Tiddles at every souvenir shop and reminding her that we have all of the next day to spend her pocket money, we decide to head back to the hotel and decide on a plan for the next day. Sometimes a little planning is required (honestly...)

Alice and I slept almost not at all in our sauna room, Tiddles on the other hand woke up with "morning mum, what a great sleep I had". Yes, Gemma, I got that as you were kicking me in the bed all night and talking in your sleep and snoring like a train. GGGGRRRRRRRRR. Not really, I am glad she slept , she is not good when tired (don't know where she inherited that from!!!)

The boys seemed to have had an ok night too, so that's good. Alice reckons she runs on fresh air and she obviously does as she was her usual giggly happy self all day. I want whatever she had.......

Good breakfast and we are off. First stop Science museum. Loads to see, not enough time, decided on the IMAX 3D short movie - absolutely brilliant well worth the visit. Wander round a few more things then off to Harrods. None of us had ever been there except Steve so it was purely for the new experience.

Of course the purchase of a bear was statutory requirement by both the girls, and some Harrods chocolate for Jamie, (don't remember that being shared out now that I think about it...???) 

Next stop Hamleys Toy shop. Tiddles has died and gone to heaven at this point - cuddly toys and bears everywhere. Even a live one to greet you at the entrance, how amazing is that when you are Gemma xxxxxx



I LOVE BEARS

Even The Dodga was impressed especially on the floor which was gadgets and RC toys.

Must have purchase - RC Helicopter. Really good buy as it turns out. Much fun will be had.

Steve on the other hand was losing the will to live at this point, so after what seemed like hours of purchasing yet another bear by Tiddles (build-a-bear is not the same as a regular bear mum), and her finally spending every last penny of her pocket money, we decide to find some dinner.

Quick detour into an amusement arcade (cant actually remember what possessed us to go there..!!!) but we had fun anyway.

 

Meal over, its back on the tube to go to Westminster to see Big Ben. Actually it was quite late by this point but getting dark so again the lights were coming on and it was fabulous.  

 

 



Home by midnight with a very tired brood but what a fantastic adventure.

Would we do it again? Absolutely, in a heartbeat.

Would I do it differently? Well, spontaneity has its excitement, but planning beforehand means getting the best deals, spending more efficiently and seeing more of what you want. Boring you say? Maybe but sometimes its the only way to go.

Cant wait for next time to show the kids the many other things our city has to offer - and it needn't break the bank either. -- HOPEFULLY.xxxx



Precious people

Today I decided to get brave and try to add pictures to my blog. I figured a photo page would be good so I could update it as necessary - of course only time will tell if this will work long term.
Anyway, I did it!! I was a bit scared as the last time I tried to do something design-wise I managed to change all my settings and spent the next hour re-doing all my work. Anyway, its done and I have not been beaten. I hate not being able to do something and will generally consult my other best friend "Google" until I get the answers I need.

The reason for the photo page is simple.

People in our lives are too precious and we definitely don't take the time we should to enjoy our moments with each other. I have lost my Dad, mum, step dad and best friend in the last 5 years and have just realised how few pictures I have of our times together. The memories become a little faded round the edges and I hate that, so I have decided to start snapping more and enjoying the times we share with those we love so much, again and again and again. It also means we get to share those special times with each other .
That's the joy of pictures.

The emotions I felt when looking back and choosing photos were exactly as they had been on the day they were taken - allowing me to relive some truly funny and special times.

The other thing of course is that  looking back at the kids pictures also made me realise how quickly time flies (and how old I am getting.... :(  )

Unfortunately I don't have pictures of all of my wonderful family (Why?????  who knows?) and I now have a mission to get them. I will have to beg, borrow, steal or snap to complete my collection to date. I am lucky enough to have a big family in South Africa, and while its too far away for my liking, the Internet makes the world a much smaller place, so I will be able to get some through the wonderful world of email.

To every special person in my life........ I dont tell you often enough or strongly enough, but thank you for being part of my world.
I am blessed to have you all and I love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Faking it ?????

Someone asked me why I used pseudonyms for the people I mention in my blog, and I have to say I couldn't really think of a great answer.
My original thoughts were that it might protect people, but from whom or what? Now I am not so sure. My husband, children, family and friends have been mentioned, all under pseudonyms but would they prefer to be called by their born names I have to ask. Its almost like I am writing about fake people if I don't use their names, but is that what I want to do? I am proud of my life and the people in it and would never write anything derogatory anyway, and if anyone I know reads my blog, they will know who I am talking about anyway. Maybe they would like the world to see how important they are to me, which is why they have been mentioned anyway?

So -- what is the answer? Do I continue to write with the pretence of made-up people, or change the way I do it and hold my nearest and dearest up in all their glories for all to see?
I think I know but what says you?

I need my holiday !!

A new week. The exams that Tiddles had to sit last week (SATs) are over - thank god, I mean do 10 and 11 year olds really need the pressure of a full week of timetabled exams? I think not, the teachers should be able to use their daily assessments of these kids to formulate the information they need. But that's another story!! Tiddles is letting off plenty of steam after the grind of last week and so she should. I must say I will be pleased to see the summer holidays this year.

Anyway, the pressure is now transferred straight over to The Dodga who sits another GSCE exam next week and these then continue until end of June. YIPPPEEEE .....NOT!!
We battle on with trying to encourage revision and homework as priority, but when you are 15 and in your first serious relationship with a girl, the priority is clearly not with school stuff.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I have yet to find a psuedonmym for the special lady in my sons life but I will keep thinking.
She is a very lovely girl, she laughs with him a lot which is great, the house is always full of giggles and squeals -- yes they are just being silly, I have checked !! She also fits in wonderfully with the rest of us. Tiddles thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread and honestly, she is a good role model for her to have chosen.
Well, the upshot is that they asked us if she could come on holiday with us this year.
My instant, no thought required answer? ABSOLUTELY NOT - you are 15, what if you aren't together by then? where will she sleep? etc etc.
Having then talked it over in much detail with M Man, we then decided that actually maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, providing there were conditions attached, (she will share a room with Tiddles, there will be no sneaking about into bedrooms in the dead of the night etc, we will be a family of 5, not 3 plus 2 etc etc). We figured taking her with us and having a potentially really great time was far better than going without her and The Dodga having a face like a slapped butt all week, with his attention focused solely on sending 100 texts a day and racing back to the hotel at every opportunity to access facebook on the free WiFi in case she has posted on his wall.
So, we go away this summer with 5 of us in tow. Actually, I am really looking forward to it. She hasn't been on holiday before and cant remember her only experience of flying as a very small child, so its quite an honour that her parents have entrusted her to us. She is as excited about the airport as the holiday, and Tiddles is very happy to be having a 'big sister' coming with us.

The obvious plus side also, is that it is now a major incentive for The Dodga to organise himself in terms of revision and homework etc or THE DEAL IS OFF...... Harsh I hear you cry, -- not really.
"Earning good things in life makes you appreciate them more, and if they want nice holidays etc when they have flown the nest and are having to pay for their own, they will have to be earning, and good jobs don't come unless you work hard at school. "
Here endeth the lesson for today.

Ready, Steady, Cook !

It was our anniversary (16 very full years) and Maintenance Man and I had arranged to go out for a very posh meal with our best friends next door, Lady List and Music Man. Their anniversary falls 9 days after ours (2 years for them now  -- yes ok they are much younger than us) and we planned to celebrate together. Last year we went to London together for the weekend which was amazing, but they have just had their first, very gorgeous baby, so this year was going to be at home.
Anyway, life can be a little cruel at times and their car decided to fail its MOT (talk about bad timing for them), and so we decided that going out and spending money needlessly was silly.
So, what were our options? chinese takeaway? hmmm not really; someone cook? hmmm ok, could do; then it was suggested that we do Ready, Steady, Cook.
For those that don't know or cant remember, this was a TV show where the contestant is given a sum of money and told to bring any 5 items of food to the TV chef who will then create a magnificent meal using these and a few store cupboard ingredients.
Now Maintenance Man makes a mean spaghetti bolognaise and great porridge (if you like eating concrete, which he does), but does not profess to be a chef, and I can cook family meals, but again I am certainly no chef. On the other hand, Music Man is a very good cook and Lady List has obviously cooked with some strange and wonderful ingredients as she is vegetarian. So it was decided the 2 teams would be boys V girls and Lady List and I would buy the ingredients for the main dish to be cooked by the boys, they would buy the desert ingredients to be cooked by the girls.
Budget - £10 per bag, all ingredients to remain top secret until the moment of cooking.
I must admit I was a little nervous to begin with, I mean what if it all goes horribly wrong? What if, what if? After a small chat with myself, and the reminder that we are with our best friends so it would even matter, (the phone muber for the chinese takeaway is readily available), I was looking forward to doing something different and exciting.

Bags on kitchen counter, music and stopwatch at the ready, what's in the first bag for the boys to create their masterpiece?

Avocado; haloumi cheese; Stilton cheese; pine nuts; filo pastry; tin of pears; mushrooms; asparagus.

After much discussion between the boys and choosing the staple store cupboard additions they needed,  they decided on their menu and set to work. Maintenance Man was doing very well, chopping, greasing, making dressing, and Music Man had his serious face on while focusing on the transformation that was to unfold in the kitchen. Trying to ignore the silly remarks being made by us girls (now having had plenty of liquid refreshment) and the random photo taking, they worked their magic. And magic it was ! Not only did they provide us with a wonderful main dish but they went one better and managed a starter as well. (Show -offs.)

 Maintenance Man showing off his chopping skills - and not a tear was shed with those onions.

 Asparagus preparation by Music Man - note the precision lining up of the spears before trimming !

 Wonderful starter of sliced pear and avocado with boiled egg and salad leaves, topped with toasted pine

  nuts and drizzled with Maintenenace Man's secret dressing.

The secret (very delicious) dressing.

Main course - Filo pastry filled with Stilton and mushroom, accompanied by asparagus spears gently nestled under a blanket of grilled haloumi cheese and a cheese sauce, with boiled rice.

I am not even joking when I say this was absolutely so delicious and how they did all that in 45 mins is beyond me.

Anyway, we ate the first 2 courses and then it was time to reveal the ingredients for us girls to conjour up something for dessert. Not forgetting that we had by this time, had 1 or 2 (or a little more) glasses of wine.

The ingredients in our bag were:
Chocolate; ginger nut biscuits; cream; Drambuie; ice cream; strawberries and a pomegranate.

Well, the biscuits led the way to a cheesecake base, with a layer of strawberries which we then coated with the whipped cream, melted chocolate and Drambuie mix and topped it all with the remaining strawberries and the pomegranate flesh.

 Ice cream - yummy at least we don't have to make that.

 Are you sure we should put ALL this Drambuie in?  Lady List looking slightly worried.

A wee dram of Passion-berry Pie.

I know not nearly as inspiring as the boys, but we were very full, a little tiddly and anyway we only had 30 minutes (well that's my excuse anyway).

We had the best evening, we laughed, we had wonderful food in fantastic company and we ate dishes not tried before and all for £20. Where else can you do that?

Everyone should try a Ready, Steady, Cook party -- I am looking forward to doing it again .xxxxxxxxxxx

Its all good --- at the moment.

Parents evening for Tiddles last night and she has just sat some "mock" exams in preparation for the real thing in May. Now, she hasnt been finding Maths in particular very easy, and so when we got her results it was amazing. A whole level up in Maths; amazing results in Science (almost into top level) and amazing results in English, again almost into top level. Very proud parents are we, and her teachers seemed to be so excited for her too. Woohoo, long may this last. Hopefully she will now grow in confidence and only improve further. She was so excited.
Also, she has been invited to sing in the school concert following her audition. Her teacher was blown away by her singing. All amazing stuff for our very special girl.

Then there is The Dodga.
Started on Work Experience yesterday. 2 weeks working in PC World learning about sales, management, etc. Came home yesterday after day one, sitting right up there on cloud nine. Had a fantastic day, was given tasks and responsibilities along with all the other staff, as they have a store assessment on day two,  and felt fantastic. Its been a while since I have seen him really fired up about something and it was wonderful to listen to all the events of the day.
Who knows what life holds for him.  
15 and the world and all it's adventures waiting for him.

So there it is - one of those great days that make you gald to be a Mum, and remind you that the "not so great" days are worth taking so you can enjoy days like this.